So You Want To Be A Waiter

The best book on waiting tables that you have never read – yet

The conservation theory of ideas and skills

Seems like the more I write about waiting tables, the less skillful I become at actually waiting tables. I wonder if my skillset is like the idea that you don’t use up energy and mass, you simply transfer from one state to the other.

My error rate seems to be rising the more I put down on virtual paper. Perhaps there’s some sort of stasis being violated by writing about the fine points of my job. Almost the exact opposite of what should happen when you read a book about a profession – i.e. that you’re actually supposed to get better at it by utilizing the book.

I get a visual of a black hole of a book sucking a skill-set into it.  So, if I end up as a wizened quivvering mass of unemployed jelly, consider that I did it for my fellow servers. (ya gotta admire someone using two mutually exclusive metaphors…or maybe ya don’t).

I wonder if there’s a mathematical equation that I could come up with to correlate the number of words written in a day with the number and magnitude of errors committed in a shift that day. Some sort of threshold that I could determine like, if I write less than 500 words, my job will be unaffected. 501 words and you can expect to forget to ring a side dish. 750 words and you will forget to ring up an entree. You know, stuff like that. Perhaps there could be additional variables such as time between writing the words and the start of a shift. Or weighing the context of the words, i.e. one word written for the book equals 3 words written in this blog and 5 words written about restaurants in a forum.

Shame that math and physics were my Moby Dick.


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