So You Want To Be A Waiter

The best book on waiting tables that you have never read – yet

Daily Archives: July 8, 2009

A Gordon Ramsay fantasy


DONALD TRUMP is in the backseat, talking on the phone and smoothing his hair. The 2 shot shows the passing London landscape, sequeing from spacious area close to Heathrow to increasingly denser urban landscape as Rolls gets closer to center of London.


I was on the way to a company which had seen better days. I wasn’t sure how the proprietor would take my presence, but drastic action was apparently needed because his books had become tragically outdated and it was costing him business.


TRUMP exits Rolls and strides to a nondescript office building. He enters, his bodyguard holding the door for him. He crosses the lobby to the reception desk. A Musak version of A-Ha’s “Take On Me” is playing over the PA.


Donald Trump to see Gordon Ramsay.


Yes, Mr. Trump, go right on in. He’s expecting you.

DONALD walks to a glass door with the words Gordon Ramsay Holdings LTD. He enters to find a very unkempt office. the shelves have gaps in account books and the desk is overflowing with unopened envelopes and various writs, demands and lease agreements.


It was worse than I thought possible. I’ve never seen books is such shambles. Here’s a notice from Inland Revenue demanding payment of back taxes. And here’s a demand for back lease payments. Oh dear. this fellow is definitely over his head. My job? I’ve got a week to turn his business around. I wonder if I’m going to be able to do it, as this is obviously an operator who’s awash in a sea of red ink. He’s had to plow an ungodly amount of personal money from himself and his father-in-law into the business. He has recently even had to sell his own Ferarri. Brutal. I only hope that he’s willing to listen to my hard advice, because, if he can’t, he’s Toad In a Hole for sure.


                                                                                  ROLL CREDITS