So You Want To Be A Waiter

The best book on waiting tables that you have never read – yet

Top Chef – Episode 3

thunderbirds-are-go

Questions, answers and comments…and the call of the Wild Blue Yonder.

Of all of the season’s opening montages, this crew comes off as the most comatose. No crazy dancing, no weird hand gestures, no Martin Sheenesque Jed Bartlet coat flipping – only barely perceptible things like slightly creepy beard stroking, knife gazing  (combined with navel gazing, this could be catastrophic and quite seppuku), and game faces (never thought I’d wish for Spike or Andrew).  I guess the elves want to signify that this is ONE SERIOUS GROUP OF CHEFS. Shame that the cameras and the stress turn even serious Cheftestants into quivering masses of idiocy sometimes.

Jesse – “I love potatoes”. Oh reaaaaalyyyy?

Speaking of Jesse, those mouse  ben wa balls she has in her lips are really driving me nuts. Sometimes they’re lined up right and sometimes it looks like they were stapled by someone in a turbulent aircraft.

Oh dear – the teaming up was painful. Shades of playground kids choosing teams with the last kids picked looking like someone had stolen their puppy.

Why is the French mime talking? Can’t we at least get a walking against the wind thing?

I’ve never understood the “12 minutes and 32 seconds” type call-out thing during quickfires. I almost expect them to go “31, 30, 29, 28…”

The Aryan ice queen wins the QF.  The “I win” self-satisfied comment makes me think of Poland and Czechoslovakia for some reason. Just a bit of warning – watch out for the second front.

And speaking of Jennifer, did anyone else think that she should have been running that kitchen in a black latex catsuit, nine-inch stiletto heels and a Bettie Page wig with a black mask and a cat-o-nine tails?

Tri-color farfalle pasta -gee. why not just do red, white and green chipped nachos?

Hey, an A-10 “Warthog” tank killer! Shame we couldn’t have braised warthog. I guess pork shoulder will suffice.

“Eli’s comin’ hide your heart girl” – where’s the late Laura Nyro when you need her? I guess we’ll have to settle for Three Dog Night. 

Hey, I never got to peel Peruvian purple potatoes when I had KP duty at Ft. Benning in basic training.

Once again, shrimp almost proves someone’s downfall.  I’m still waiting for the rice catastrophe.

Frenchy said “Franco-American”…heh-heh-heh

Bryan would make a great ventriloquist, since he’s always talking as if he’s had his jaws wired shut.

Thought balloon above Ash when Col. Fantastic strides in – “I just LOVE a man in a uniform”.

Preethi – you didn’t just say that you became a chef because of 9-11… oh…you did.

Ash- “I want these people to have a little taste of America before they go”. I’ll bet you do.

Two words – “jet garage”.

Preethi – please take your androgyny  and go.

Preethi

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