So You Want To Be A Waiter

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Daily Archives: September 24, 2009

Maxim weighs in on scoring with your waitress

You know, I had only seen Maxim as a cover on the newsstands until about 3 months ago when my beloved magazine Blender bit the dust and the remaining part of my commitment was filled by Maxim. Blender reminded me of the CREEM of my youth, updated to the digital age. It was cheeky, irrelevant, insightfully, funny and very useful in my attempt to keep up with new trends in music. Maxim seems to try to be the same thing for men, a dumbed down version of Esquire with none of the wit, panache and wisdom of an Esquire (or even a Playboy). It’s a fratboy’s view of adulthood, which I guess works for some people.

So, I wasn’t surprised when the article,  “Sex: Today’s Special – Your Waitress” arrived along with the current edition.  There are the usual warnings – just because your waitress has to approach you doesn’t mean that she’s personally approachable, “As cruel as it might be, her sweetness could be wholly tip-related”, waitresses usually can’t  be “bought” – ““I once gave $200 back to a guy because I could tell he was asking for something else,” you know, that sort of thing.

And, in the spirit of scoring with your waitress, they give you those little things that will help you hit a home run after the shift (or, as one waitress confesses, in the stock room), and they outline the major don’ts and turnoffs.

But I can tell you that you’d be better off following the various Hooters Girls blogs to get insight about what waitresses respond and don’t respond to. Rarely will you hear stories of debauchery but you’ll get a good earful about some of the behavior that waitresses find annoying.

Of course, there are a couple of photos of a garter-belt clad waitress licking her finger while holding a stack of pancakes.

I guess Maxim had a couple of pages to fill and I guess this was as good of a topic as any that they cover. They actually quote a PhD and talk to several waitresses who have scored with their guests. It isn’t Pulitzer Prize stuff by any means, but it’s not particularly harmful.

If you’re interested, you can access the article here:

http://www.maxim.com/humor/stupid-fun/84278/sex-todays-special-your-waitress.html

Note that it’s filed under “stupid fun”.

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Photo – www.maxim.com