So You Want To Be A Waiter

The best book on waiting tables that you have never read – yet

Daily Archives: November 13, 2009

Waiter assaulted with mashed potatoes and survives!


Diner Patron Threatens to Kill Server Over Subpar Food

by John Del Signore

Speaking of things waiters should “never” do, here’s something a diner should never do: throw your food at the server and threaten to kill him or her. On Wednesday night one Steven Scott, 40, was arrested for assaulting a server at the New York Fried Chicken Diner on Fulton Street in East New York. Hapless waiter Baljit Singh says it all started when Scott came in at 11:30 p.m. and ordered mashed potatoes. After a couple bites, Scott “started griping about the nasty tasting food.” So he was given a new serving of potatoes, but this didn’t satisfy him either. Oh, no it did not.

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A sometimes hilarious guide to being a “Fun Waiter”

Fun-Filled Career Guide to Restaurant Waitering!

Icarus Landing loves dining out in fine restaurants. Most of the time, the experience is good, although the quality of waitering is a little unpredictable – sometimes too rushed, sometimes too slow, sometimes too attentive, sometimes too inattentive – you probably know what we’re talking about. So, we’ve developed this Fun-Filled Career Guide to Restaurant Waitering! Don’t be one of those boring, stuffy waiters any longer – be a Fun Waiter! Join the revolution now! This is an Icarus Landing exclusive!

1. Don’t be one of those unoriginal waiters who greets everyone with a dull, simple “Good evening” or “Good afternoon.” [Hint: Boring!] Be original and creative! Invent a phrase of macaronic words [mixing foreign languages] first, before your actual greeting. For example: Guests enter the restaurant. You: “Ah, je suis dictum ben penoya pon frair and good evening!” Translation: There isn’t one. It’s utterly nonsensical. But it sounds suave, sophisticated, even sexy, and it really impresses people! After that, just watch your tips go up up up!

Read the other 26 hints here:

This is one of my favorites:

8. Waiters are often told to never touch a customer [Hint: Boring!]. When you talk to your guests, put your hand gently on their shoulders and rub a little. It’s warm and friendly. If they look a little stressed, put your receipt book down and get in there and rub their neck and shoulders! If they look a little dusty, dust them off! If they’re a little wet, wipe them off! If they’re sweating, dab them off! This kind of extra personal attention means everything to modern restaurant goers. You’ll see. Do it! Then watch those tips go up up up!