So You Want To Be A Waiter

The best book on waiting tables that you have never read – yet

The flip side of the little things

The 14.5% tip.

Thinking all week that you have a certain section on a certain shift and then finding out that you have to be moved into a different section.

A guest who puts their cracker wrappers in the water-glass.

Getting double-seated in an empty restaurant.

Having a co-worker whistle “Rock Me, Amadeus” at the start of the shift.

Being one glass short of being able to reset your table and having to wait until they run a new rack.

Uncharacteristically leaving your lighter at home even though you haven’t had to light a birthday candle for weeks, because you will have to borrow one from the most sarcastic co-worker ever for the birthday dessert you have to serve.

The phrase, “Just put that anywhere” when someone drops something.

Your last table sliding the check presenter under the elbow.

Finding out that Procedure X has gone back to the way it was the time before it was changed from the time before (which of course was a change from the time before).

The second time you’re out of a bottle of wine for a guest and you find out that we’ve been out of both for 2 weeks for the first time when you try to order the second bottle, even though you have pre-shift every day.

Your pen runs out of ink mid-order.

You run out of room mid-order on whatever you’re writing the order on.

Your wine tool is in the third pocket that you check.

You are .45 short of being able to make change for a guest.

Your first guest wipes out your bank with a $50 or $100 bill.

The little talking stain that happens in the first 20 minutes of a shift when your regional manager is visiting.

Cold coffee. Don’t care about the guest getting cold coffee, I’m talking about ME getting cold coffee. It’s all about me, after all.

The annoying high-pitched laugh of certain co-workers or guests.

Finding out that you grabbed the wrong apron on your mad dash to work because you didn’t bother to turn on the light or look at it from last night’s shift before you crashed. This happens mostly when your regional manager makes a surprise visit.

3 responses to “The flip side of the little things

  1. lindalivingstone February 13, 2010 at 7:19 pm

    The elderly person who urinates on a slip covered chair, and then leaves a bad tip.

  2. lindalivingstone February 13, 2010 at 7:34 pm

    A women who requested a to go box for a scrap of left over food, left and forgot it. Then returned wanting it. It had been put in the trash. Called almost 24 hours later to complain, and then again, and again for 5 days wanting to speak to the owner about it. After she had been offered a gift card. You forgot your box what do you want a new car??? or maybe we should have a lost and found refrig. to house leftovers. Label them table 7, 1/2 a salad 1:15 Sunday???

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