So You Want To Be A Waiter

The best book on waiting tables that you have never read – yet

Daily Archives: April 13, 2010

Top Ten Things You Don’t Want Your Waiter To Say When Dining Out

10. Oh, you look just like my parole officer.

9. Want to see a magic trick? Here, hand me your wallet.

8. You’d like Coke? How many grams do you want?

7. Why no, that’s not my fingerprint in your Créme Brulee.

6. Can I tell you about my personal Savior, Adolph Hitler?

5. Do you and your wife swing?

4. …and we have two types of shrimp tonight. One is…sorry, just a minute…I’ve got to get this phone call. I’ll be back in a couple of minutes.

3. Yeah, sure. Sure it’s decaf. Are you calling me a LIAR? Well, ARE YOU?

2. Thank you for the 5% tip, pal. You do have a spare tire, don’t you?

…and number one is…

1. No! I don’t feel like telling you the specials! You’ll eat what I say you’ll eat!