So You Want To Be A Waiter

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Daily Archives: April 14, 2010

Top Ten Things a Waiter Doesn’t Want To Hear the Customer Say

10. Didn’t I sleep with you in 2006?

9. I’ve got these rolls of pennies…

8. Je suis désolé, je ne parle pas d’anglais.

7. You’re under arrest for serving a 19 year old. Could you please place your hands behind your back?

6. Your service was incredible.

5. Let’s see, all you have to do is move the decimal place over two places…”

4. I don’t care if it’s not on the menu – you don’t want to have this fight with me. You know I’m just going to go to the manager and he’ll let me do it. (I actually heard a variation of this fairly recently).

3. You’re a cute little thing, aren’t you? If I told you you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?

2. Wish I could rid of this damn head lice.

and the number one thing that a waiter doesn’t want to hear the customer say

1. Why yes, I am Tiger Woods.