So You Want To Be A Waiter

The best book on waiting tables that you have never read – yet

Photo Purportedly Showing Banker’s 1% Lunch Bill Tip ‘Altered And Exaggerated’ [UPDATED] – The Huffington Post

Banker Leaves 1% Tip On $133 Lunch Bill In Defiance of ‘The 99%’ [UPDATED] – The Huffington Post

Showing that some bankers, besides being dicks, can’t even do simple multiplication. Thankfully, the bankers who frequent my joint, are not only NOT dicks for the most part, can also add, subtract, multiply and divide.

Study counters prevailing restaurant menu theories | Nation’s Restaurant News

This is interesting. I didn’t know that there was an “industry standard” diagram for menu reading. Look for corporate minions to over-react and rush new menus out to their far-flung outposts via Fed Ex.

Gordon Ramsay’s Dwarf Porn Double Found Dead in a Badger Den in Wales |

Waiter hits Batali with harass suit – New York Daily News

This is a slightly older story but worth sharing. Plus, it will keep this blog in life support!

Angry CEO Allegedly Breaks Waiter’s Finger – ABC News

Time to give the finger back…

…AND lighten the wallet a little…

Languedoc – France’s lab for a new wine wave

Here’s to a safe and prosperous New Year!

I wanted to pop in and hope that each and every one of you is safe this New Year’s Eve. For those of you who have to work, I hope that the guests are generous and cheerful and I remind you that you’re getting off work about the time that crazy, drunk motherfuckers are getting behind the wheels of their cars. Be careful and make sure that you’re not one of those crazy, drunk motherfuckers.

For those of you who are dining out on New Year’s Eve, I hope you get the best service and I hope you have a little patience with your service staff. And, by all means, be generous, both in money and in spirit.

I hope to be more prolific in the coming year, but I haven’t been very successful in getting back in the swing of things. Keep your fingers crossed!

Be cool, jewel.


Well, the holiday season is officially started. In many restaurants, this week is a sort of calm before the storm. Next week is when it gets started in earnest.

Now’s the time to get into the correct head space. Things worth considering:

Shifts, especially lunch, get longer. Cuts usually can’t happen when they usually do and this can be tough since we tend to get into a groove and a rhythm. Might as well just accept it now.

The closer you are to the mall or shopping areas, the more stressed out shoppers you’re likely to encounter. Try to be a little more patient with people when they seem to be on their last nerves. It’s hard when they don’t seem to understand that you’re just as stressed, if not more so. But this is the time where a little bit of compassion can pay dividends in the form of higher tips from grateful diners. Try to accommodate this as much as you can and you’ll find that it will pay off more often than not. This isn’t the time to really push table turns, even if you’re getting that pressure from management. A good manager will realize that table times are just naturally longer, but, as we know, not every manager is a “good one”. It’s hard to veer away from your normal practices but I guess I’m saying just try to roll with the flow of each table.

Be more aware of alcohol consumption and remember that sometimes, guests might already be coming from parties or other gatherings where alcohol has been served. Start watching guest behavior early and try to keep them safe.

Try to be as upbeat as possible, even as you’re getting your butt kicked or having the holidays kicking your butt just as your guests are experiencing.  This goes without saying, but sometimes it’s just hard to reflect a joyful spirit when the shifts are long, the diners testy, etc. Here’s one way of getting through it – remember that for most of us, December is like June and July combined. Your wallet will thank you.

And speaking of that, now is the time to squirrel some of that extra cash away, whether it’s to add to your tax withholding for the next quarter or as an emergency fund for the slower summer months (assuming of course that you aren’t in a tourist area that’s busy during the summer).

And, of course, now is the time to count your blessings, stake stock of your personal situation and plan for the next year. Just don’t make any resolutions please. Most of the time, they are just stupid and get forgotten by Valentine’s Day.

Happy Holidays from me to you and yours!

Waiters are people too

Did you see the special guest commentator on CBS Sunday Morning last Sunday?

If not, go here:;contentBody