So You Want To Be A Waiter

The best book on waiting tables that you have never read – yet

Tag Archives: Twilight

Back to normal

Recently, my readership has totally exploded.

Was I blogging about the Gulf? Nope.

Was I commenting on Obama? Nah.

Did I create a free porn portal? Not on your life.

It was all due to Robert Pattinson and the Twilight phenomenon.

I puzzled over how this was possible. I did Google searches trying to find my post, “Some People Just Aren’t Being Raised Right” but it didn’t even register even a blip on the radar. And yet, day after day, I was getting a thousand or more hits.

I couldn’t figure it out to save my life.

And then I tried searching Google images and found my post right up at the top. It was the picture of Pattinson licking the face of a fan.

So that was it. That’s the thing that brought hit after hit to my humble blog. In fact, it created a new milestone – 10,500 hits in a week. My previous high was 6,800. I followed that with 9,300 and 10,220. I hit another milestone in June when I hit 35,000 hits, which was 15,000 more than my previous high.

Last week, the count started dropping (around 8,000 hits) and now, on Thursday, I’m at about 2,500 hits.

Back to normal.

Hits are like crack to a blogger. You get used to needing more and more of them to get a thrill. I’m no different.

Fortunately, during the entire time that this was happening, I knew that it wasn’t due to the main theme of the blog, but I was only hoping that a few folks stuck around to see what’s going on. I didn’t get nearly as much play in the comments as I was expecting – only a half-hearted attempt to express displeasure. Part of this is due to the fact that I don’t have an email addy associated with this blog. Most people are used to being able to anonymously vent through email and they just don’t have that option. I applaud those that publically decided to take me on.

There’s a reason why I don’t have an email address. It’s one of job security. It would be too easy to associate me personally with the blog and, while I’m generally proud of what I write, I prefer the fact that nobody at work knows that I write this blog. Some of my personal friends know that I write this blog, but they are divorced from my job friends. I prefer to keep it that way and I try to disguise or exclude enough details to make it tough to pinpoint me even though I drop a hint here or there.

First of all, sometimes I express strong opinions and I work in a restaurant where it’s possible to get fired over a single complaint, if it comes from the wrong person. 

Second of all, it’s a case of “do as I say, not as I do”. I’ve mentioned previously that I’m not nearly the best waiter on my staff. I probably screw up more than anyone (we have a hyper-competent wait staff with many years of experience) and I really wouldn’t care for, “Soooo, the great expert screwed up. Brilliant”! Yep, it’s a pride thing.

And third, even though I probably have about 3 or 4 “junk mail addresses” from Yahoo, my ISP and Hotmail, I rarely even bother to check them. So, even if I insulated myself from my main email address, I wouldn’t be able to give it the attention that someone who takes the time to write me deserves. I just pretty much forget about the other addresses and only check them once in a while to check out the evolving state of spam and on the off chance that I gave someone the address by accident.

So, if anyone has a question, comment or simply wants to take me down a notch, feel free to comment in any of the posts. I read all comments. I will not censor anyone’s comment unless it’s clear that it’s spam or it embraces true hate speech aimed at 3rd parties. Hate on me all you want. I think I’ve shown that I’m a big boy and I can defend myself.

I welcome any suggestions for posts. Obviously, my post count has dropped a bit since the spring. That’s probably a good thing but part of it is that, over the past year and a third, I’ve covered a lot of topics and I’d like not to run out of them, thank you very much. Plus, I haven’t had a lot of energy to do the number of web searches for news about the restaurant business. I’m hoping to get more into the groove in the near future. and it occurs to me that I haven’t done a cookbook highlight in a while, so hopefully I get back on track with that as well.

WHEW. That was therapeutic.

PS, anyone else find the typeface on this theme a little on the small side? I like the look and feel of it in general, but have never gotten behind the small print. I’ve changed the format twice, but I’m not really big on change for change sake. I’d love to keep this general look, but I’d love for the text to be a little more readable.

Apparently, people just aren’t being raised right these days…

…what with their daddy’s credit cards and Porsches, and Prada bags and seaside rentals while going to places like Pepperdine.

There was a story that I ran across while searching for stories about tipping. It was a repost of a story on another site reposted by Perez Hilton. It was about Robert Pattinson, who is starring in a mega-million dollar franchise, “Twilight”. Apparently his tip was a little light on a $350 check. The tip was $50, which was just short of 15%. Now I’m not going to hang young Pattinson for such an offense, although I’ll say that someone making megabucks and is in the public arena should probably be more generous (self-preservation).

No, what astounded me were some of the comments from the “Perez Posse”, many of whom apparently have avoided learning about the ways of dining out in the US.

The tip is based on the food service, not the bar tab, ignorance is bliss. They over tipped.

Yes “elo”, apparently you’re one blissful motherfucker. The tip is based on the bill, including the bar tab. Do you stiff your bartender? I doubt it.  That’s assuming that the bartender takes your fake ID.

Your not required to tip on the price of a bottle of wine so it was over 15%. He should have dropped a $100 for a tip for good publicty though!

BZZZT! Sorry “annielicious”, you’re not so delicious. Yes, you should tip on the wine. It’s either that or I’ll rent you my wine tool for 15% of the cost of the bottle. In the event of a screwtop, I’ll rent my bottle opening skills to you for 15%, since in most locales, you aren’t allowed to serve yourself any alcohol.

They actually over-tipped. You don’t include drinks in the tip, just the food. That was a pretty dumb post, Perez.

Well “wil”, that was pretty dumb. where did you hear that? From your frat brother? Did he tell you that at the last kegger?

Perez, that is hardly stingy, considering it is minimally shy of 15%, and you admitted that a significant amount was on alcohol. Tipping is supposed to be based on food, not expensive alcohol. Besides, maybe the service wasn’t good?! Not nice to call him stingy over this …

Yet another person making up the rules as they go.  “DoctorPS” – PS, no wonder doctors are sometimes considered cheap. Maybe I should make a new rule that I don’t have to pay you if I have to wait more than 30 minutes in your waiting room for you to treat me.

For 50 Bucks the waiter shoulda been handin out BJ’s ! I don’t care how much the tab is, it isn’t rocket science bring someone a glass of damn water! 

Damn, “Dialred”, you shouldn’t talk with your mouth full.

Tipping varies by country, Perez. I’m in the US and I find it an annoying waste of money. They’re already getting PAID to do their job.

Yes, “Starflower11”, waiters in NYC make around $6/hr. Just because you make that working at the Dairy Queen doesn’t mean that everyone else should.

Well that’s it precisely isn’t it… they don’t tip in the UK, so how can you hate on someone who is from there?? It’s hard to say “well they should just know” but if you think that, then you clearly are ignorant to different cultures. If he was with american friends, THEY should’ve been the ones to pony up!!

You have named yourself well, “goofygoober”. First of all, the cat just isn’t off the boat. He’s already probably starting his 3rd movie. He’s probably got a pad in LA and a nice Greenwich Village co-op. Most people try to learn the customs of whatever country that they’re living and working in. In some countries, screwing up a custom could cost you a hand, you know.

50 dollars ? How much more can you tip ? Seems fine to me, if the service was good. Tipping is not mandatory anyway, just a sign of appreciation.

Well “zooey” (not Deschanel, hopefully), how much more can you spend for dinner? “Seems fine to me”? Did you just think “$50, that’s a lot of money”? That’s what some of your other fellow spawns of Satan said. You’re right, tipping isn’t “mandatory”. Neither is not slapping your mother. For your information, tipping is payment for services rendered, tempered by the quality of the service that you have received. That’s a little different than just “appreciation”. The bill itself is for the food only – the tip is for the service that you received.

There are something like 450 replies to this story, many of which reflected the above sentiments.

I worry about the youth of America.

Kiddies, here’s the deal. Since the 50s, the standard tip for average service has been 15%. No, it’s not “mandatory”, it’s “customary”. And yes, it’s “expected”. The percentage is based on the bill. Most people seem to tip post-tax, but you are fine tipping pre-tax. You should include all alcohol, including wine. If you spend $200 on a bottle of wine, it’s not considered a major offense to tip a little less on the amount of the bottle. Most people who order that price of wine don’t exclude it from the tip though. You should always tip on discounted food as well. If you have a $20 coupon, please add it back in to the price of the bill to figure the tip. The coupon is a discount on food, not service. If the service is lacking, then you should leave less than 15%. But if the service isn’t just order-taking and the waiter makes your dining enjoyable, then 18 – 20% (or more) is expected.

Got it?

Good. Now go out and do the right thing, young’uns.


Photo from